Here Goes…

As promised, I’ll be giving you some insights to what’s been going on in my life for the past 2 months or so. I’m sure many of you have watched the Wong Fu Productions YouTube video that went viral. If you haven’t, this is it:

Have you ever loved someone so much, only to find both yourselves behaving like complete strangers 4-5 years down the road? Maybe it’s not all that uncommon in relationships, or maybe it is. I haven’t been in one that has lasted this long to “speak from experience.” But one thing I can tell you now is that it’s happened and is happening right this second.

Perhaps it’s work, a matter of maturity, a sudden realisation of who we are as individuals, or simply a change in our personal goals in life – or could it be a little of everything? Whatever it is, something changed.

We found ourselves keeping secrets from each other. He started a year ago, while I about 2 months ago. The root of all our secrets probably boils down to one thing: discontentment. It’s quite sad when I think about it now because it was never the slightest bit evident that either of us were that unhappy about the  relationship. Okay, we did express it to each other on occasion, but you’d just never guess that either of us would do such a thing behind each other’s back.

I’ll be honest ‘cos there’s really nothing to hide on my end. My colleagues already know about it – they saw the signs and confronted me (in a way I wished had been more pleasant). I’ll call him B.

In the second or third week of joining our company, B and I had to attend a Chinese New Year / Retailers Presentation organised by Parkway Parade. My General Manager sent the both of us to attend the event together. That’s when it all started. We found amazing chemistry between us during that 3 to 4 hours out of the office. I was already attracted to him physically – he’s this young handsome guy standing  at 1.8+ metres in height, nice built, superb dressing style, and he was always so calm and collected about everything. I can swear that almost every girl in our office had their hearts beat a little faster when they first laid eyes on him. Till today, I am certain that our office & retail girls are excited about seeing him. So, it did make me absolutely flattered when he started texting me that evening after the event.

B’s texts got a little more suggestive over the following week. But I can’t deny that I loved the attention I was getting from him. Maybe I should have put an end to it earlier, but a part of me didn’t  - well, a huge part of me didn’t want to. In a way, the attention and “love” I got from B came at the right time, filling up the gaps of loneliness and neglect I felt in my relationship with my boyfriend. In fact, it had been about a month of feeling neglected by my boyfriend, mostly due to the fact that he was always preoccupied with his work – but both of us were to blame. But B just made me feel so alive again. I was smiling more, laughing more, and I had so much more energy in me. Do I have feelings for B? Initially, no. But it developed over time.

I was open with my boyfriend about B’s texts. A part of me didn’t want to ruin the 5 years of our relationship because of a guy who may or may not really be interested in being with me. On Valentine’s Day (yes, how perfect), I could tell that B was extremely sad about seeing me all dressed up for dinner with my boyfriend – and that made me sad. To make it worse, my boyfriend came one hour late to pick me from work. But I soon got over it all when I saw the effort my boyfriend had put into planning the evening – and this made me sad too. I felt so bad about what I had been hiding from him, so I told him everything, including the pictures I had taken with B.

Our night wasn’t so pretty, but I’m glad it didn’t end in blood and tears. I had promised to be firm and direct with B, to cut contact with him except for work-related matters. It almost felt like a breakup for me, especially when feelings had developed. The following night, I was on Facebook and I found something – my boyfriend’s 1-year worth of secrets. This just killed me on the inside.

With respect for his privacy, I will not go into the details of his side of the story. What really sucks about it is that he did what he did because he was frustrated with my frustrations… which all come from him putting work before me. How stupid.

Anyway, it’s been about a month since all that drama between us. I even had to take an urgent leave from work the following day because I cried so much that my eyes became too puffy to be presentable in public.

It’s been a tough one month so far. My moods and emotions have never been this haywire in my entire life. I don’t think it’s been easy for both guys either.

But between me and my boyfriend, we’ve agreed to try to work things out, instead of just throwing in the towel just like that. 5 years of being together does say something, and we’re not going to ruin it all with a few moments of folly.

Like Katy Perry’s song goes, “if it’s not like the movies, that’s how it should be.”

There are bound to be ups and downs in every love story. At the end of the day, you’ve got to ask yourself what you want out of the relationship. If he/she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with, fight for it, no matter how tough the battle may be. And one thing I have learnt is how to differentiate what your heart is saying and what your mind is thinking, In tough times like this, you often get lost in all the noise. See what you have presented before you and what you would like to have, let’s say 10 years from now.

If you are going through the same situation as I am, boy, you’ll learn a lot. Not the easiest lesson to learn, but definitely one that will last you a lifetime.

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