While watching Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom at Shaw Lido on Friday night, I already found myself feeling very chilly. At first, I thought it was just the temperature in the theatre, or perhaps the large cup of iced Pepsi I had consumed. Apart from the chills, I was feeling perfectly fine.
After the movie, we cabbed back to my boyfriend’s place and I crashed immediately. I was so tired, I didn’t even get to clean off my makeup.
I think I had the best sleep in weeks. But when I woke up this morning, my throat hurt, my nose was running, my body was aching, and my temperature felt slightly higher than usual. My first thought was about how my weekend was going to be completely wasted – and you have no idea how precious my weekends are now, ever since I started work.
So I spent the afternoon resting at my my boyfriend’s home. But yay!!! I was feeling great by evening time, so my boy decided to try reserving at table at IKOI. We’ve been trying to get a table there for the longest time, but they’re always, always fully booked. This time, we were lucky. We managed to get a table at their sushi counter for their 8 – 10pm slot.
Baby, again, thank you so much. You keep insisting of lavish dinners, even though I tell you I would rather simple ones. I know you’re trying so hard to make things work. It’s not that I don’t appreciate the money you are spending on me, but like I have explained to you for the past 5 years, I’m not a girl that looks at how much money you have in your bank account or how much goes into taking care of my wants and needs.
I just want a guy who loves me enough to respect me – a guy that treasures me enough to make an effort to understand my needs as girl who has been broken one too many times before. I’m not an easy girl and I know that. My scars have left me insecure and very fragile. “High maintenance,” but in a different way.
You keep talking about wanting to spend the rest of your life with me. Maybe it’s because you feel the desperation, especially after what just happened two weeks ago. I would have said a resounding yes prior to that, but right now, I need time to heal. Give me some more time, okay?
I love you so, so much. Everything still hurts like crazy when I think about what went wrong – and I really need time to heal. When you notice me finding it hard to say those 3 words for the past couple of weeks, please try not to feel anything. It’s all part of the recovery process. I can only hope you’ll give me some more time.
You’ve hurt me, deeply. But you’ve also loved me, immensely. And for that reason alone, I’ll put in every bit of energy in trying to make us, us again.